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50th Wedding Anniversary Celebration

I was honored to be asked by my parents to take charge of the renewal of their vows in a local community building. Below are the notes for the homily that I gave to the assembly before the vows which I have included below.

Text: Ephesians 5:22-33

Why wives first? Paul is proposing a grand analogy. As Wife is to Husband, so the Church is to Christ. Christ’s sacrificial love created the Church. If He did not love us first, we would have no capacity or inclination to love Him at all. Our love is a response to His.
What sort of submission is proper to the Lord? The adoring attitude of one who has been loved extravagantly says from the heart, “The minute I know you have a wish, I want to grant it.”
Men, be prepared to be the students of your wives. Since the Church is the bride of Christ, wives have an advantage in knowing how to relate to Jesus. We must honor these women and learn to be more like them.
(v.24) What does it mean to be the head? “I am the head—I have all the brains; you’re just a thumb and I am going to smash you with a hammer!” No! All of the nerve endings lead to the head. Heads do all they can to promote comfort and health for the body.
(v.25) Note the difficulty of building a real love relationship between Christ and the Church! What an unlikely couple this is. He lives in heaven and we live on earth. How could there possibly be a viable tenderness when we live worlds apart? Jesus’s solution was to enter our world, experience our hurt, be subject to weakness and to die on our behalf. Husband, you can never assume that you know what it is like to be your wife; you must always be on mission to her world, learning her alien and exotic ways.
(v.25-27) Jesus finds His intended bride not behaving as He wishes. What does He do? He bears the expense for her transformation. This is what the cross is all about. Husband, this love is going to cost you; remember that this is because your wife is precious. Wife, you likely have much experience graciously paying for other peoples’ mistakes; share your wisdom and gentleness.
(v.28,29) “In the same way…” Paul has just been talking about atoning love. (That’s the kind that washes the dishes yourself instead of complaining that they’re dirty). There is a wrong way and a right way to do this. The wrong way to serve the deficiencies of your spouse is with evident irritation and palpable pain. This is generally motivated by a desire to make the other feel guilty for needing to be served. Since that is not the way to love well, look to the example of Jesus, who went to the cross for “the joy set before him.” (Heb.12:2). Women are often more naturally inclined to love like this—so husbands are called upon to model self-sacrificial, joyful love because men need more grace from God in order to do this well.
(v.30-32) “Members of his body—one flesh” Two analogous relationships constitute one profound mystery. Every marriage tells the beautiful story of the love between Jesus and His bride, the Church. Some tell the tale well; others tell lying tales as if selfishness could be substituted for sacrifice and still attempt to call it love. In either case, there is a mystery: two individuals now considered one. Or the larger version: Jesus, who is one, causes the Church to be one with Him (though we are many!)
(v.33) The main story of history is the love-story of Jesus and His bride pledging their love to one another. Today, Dad, Mom, you have the honor of renewing your commitment to love well so that the tale your marriage tells will be an accurate relating of the greater story of which you are a part.

upper left: during the ceremony, lower left: with my parents and siblings, right: with my wife

Vows

From the Husband: After 50 years of faithful love, I pledge my continued faithfulness to you in honor of the faithful love between Jesus and His bride, the Church.

I pledge to set an example of self-sacrificial love for you from this day forward.

In recognition and admiration of your submission to Christ and your husband, who seeks to resemble Him, I pledge to learn submission from your faithful example.

Your hurts are my hurts and your joys are my joys. I pledge to seek the healing of your hurts and the flourishing of your joys.

I pledge to pursue an understanding of your heart so I can love you better, and to extend grace even as I have been graciously received by Christ.

I pledge to serve you with joy.

I pledge to demonstrate the love of Jesus as I love you.

From the Wife: After fifty years of faithful love, I pledge my continued faithfulness to you in honor of the faithful love between the Church and Christ.

I pledge to respond to your love by joyfully, eagerly seeking to satisfy your needs and desires.

In recognition and admiration of your sacrificial, Christ-like love, I pledge to model for you your submissive response to the love of Christ.

Your hurts are my hurts and your joys are my joys. I pledge to seek the healing of your hurts and the flourishing of your joys.

I pledge to pursue an understanding of your heart so I can love you better, and to extend grace even as I have graciously been received by Christ.

I pledge to serve you with joy.

I pledge to demonstrate the joyful response of one who has been loved well.